One-to-ones that help: a simple structure for regular check-ins

A one-to-one is a regular, private meeting between a manager and one person who reports to them. Done well, it is where problems surface early, feedback gets said out loud and careers get discussed before someone hands in their notice. Done badly, it becomes a status update that both people quietly resent.

The difference is rarely about personality. It comes down to a few habits: who owns the agenda, what gets asked, and whether anything happens afterwards. This article sets out those habits and a simple structure you can start using this week.

Why one-to-ones matter

Andy Grove, the former Intel CEO, wrote about one-to-ones in High Output Management, first published in 1983. His central point was about ownership: the meeting “should be regarded as the subordinate’s meeting, with its agenda and tone set by him.” He also argued that how often you meet should depend on the person’s experience with their current work. Someone new to a task needs more frequent meetings; an experienced veteran needs fewer.

Google’s Project Oxygen research, described on Google’s re:Work site, identified ten behaviours of effective managers. They include “Be a good coach”, “Communicate effectively” and “Support career development and discuss performance”. Google’s page does not link these behaviours to one-to-ones specifically. Still, a regular private conversation is one of the most practical places for a manager to do all three.

GitLab’s public handbook, one of the more detailed published guides on the subject, recommends one-to-ones at least weekly and treats cancelling them as a last resort.

The employee owns the agenda

If you change only one thing, change this. The person you manage brings the topics. You can add items too, but GitLab’s handbook gives a useful warning sign: if the manager is adding more than half the items, something is wrong.

The simplest way to make this work is a shared document, private to the two of you, with the newest meeting at the top. Each of you adds topics during the week as they come up. GitLab suggests filling in the agenda at least 24 hours ahead so both people have time to think. Grove made a similar point: the person preparing the outline lets the manager know what is coming and pace the conversation.

A simple 30-minute structure

Grove argued that a one-to-one should last an hour at minimum, partly because difficult topics often come up only after the first 20 or 30 minutes. Many teams now run shorter weekly meetings. If you use the 30-minute format below, book a longer session every month or so, and let the meeting overrun when something important appears.

Treat this as a starting point. Some weeks the whole meeting will be about one difficult topic, and that is a good use of the time.

Questions worth asking

GitLab’s handbook advises managers to aim for about 20% of the talking and to avoid yes or no questions such as “You doing alright?”. Open questions work better. A few to keep in your back pocket:

• What is taking up most of your energy at the moment?
• What is getting in your way that I could help remove?
• Is there a decision you are waiting on from me or anyone else?
• What is one thing I could do differently that would help you?
• What part of your work would you like more of, or less of?
• Where would you like to be in a year, and what would help you get there?
• Is there anything you have been hesitant to bring up?

Rotate them. Asking the same three questions every week gets the same three answers.

Notes and follow-up

Grove recommended that the manager write things down, seeing the act as a commitment, “like a handshake, that something will be done”. He then expected the follow-up to happen at the next one-to-one.

In practice, keep notes in the shared document so both people see the same record. End each meeting by reading the actions back. Start the next one by checking them. If an action keeps rolling over week after week, talk about why, because it usually means it is blocked or no longer matters.

Notes also help at review time. A year of short, dated notes is a far better basis for a fair performance conversation than memory.

Running one-to-ones remotely

Remote one-to-ones need a little more care, because there are no corridor conversations to fill the gaps. Some practical tips:

• Use video by default, with a recurring link that never changes.
• Keep the shared agenda document open on screen so you are both looking at the same thing.
• Pick a time that is reasonable in both time zones, and rotate it if one person always loses out.
• Close other tabs and notifications. Being visibly distracted on a call says more than you think.
• If weekly calls are hard, alternate between a live meeting and a written update. GitLab notes that some of its managers alternate synchronous and asynchronous weeks.

Mistakes to avoid

• Cancelling. Each cancellation tells the person their time matters less. Move the meeting instead, with as much notice as you can.
• Turning it into a status update. Progress reports can go in a message or a team tool. Keep the meeting for things that need a conversation.
• Talking too much. If you leave having done most of the talking, you probably learned very little.
• Saving all feedback for the meeting. GitLab’s handbook warns against using the one-to-one as the only channel for feedback. Give it promptly, then follow up in the meeting if needed.
• Forgetting the follow-up. Agreed actions that never happen teach people the meeting is for show.
• Same meeting for everyone. Following Grove, adjust frequency and depth to each person’s experience with their current work.

An example (illustration only): a founder with four direct reports holds 30-minute weekly one-to-ones on Monday afternoons, plus one longer career conversation per person each quarter. That is about two hours a week. For most small teams, it is the cheapest early-warning system a manager has.